As if there weren't enough phallic references with Harry Potter and his broom...This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I'm talkin' to whoever's listenin' out there.
Sometimes, I sit back in my chair and listen to the stars blink and twitter away in the night sky and I wonder to myself: what would it be like to be Chris Columbus? You don’t need talent. You can kind of just sit around and think up cheesy ways to make films that appeal to kids. It doesn’t seem that difficult. He’s probably best known for directing the first two Harry Potter films, which, incidentally, I love. They’re not masterfully done, or particularly well acted, or even that good. But I really, really enjoy them. So here comes his latest film, Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief. That’s a hell of name. I shall heretofore refer to it as PJ&TO:TLT to make things easier for everyone.
PJ&TO:TLT is based on the book The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan, the first book in the seven-book series, Percy Jackson & The Olympians. Upon its publication, it was automatically compared to Harry Potter. But really, what fantasy children’s novel (or series) nowadays won’t, on some level, be compared to that leviathan of publishing gold? It’s really not that difficult to write children/young adult tales, it seems. Add one part protagonist who has special abilities that make him a freak in the “real” world but someone “special” in the fantasy world; one part plucky companions; one part romance or threat thereof; one part conspiracy or evil plot. Stir well before publishing. Serves millions.
PJ&TO:TLT centers on Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman), the teenage son of Poseidon, which makes him a demigod. As is the norm with these kinds of books, he doesn’t know he has his powers; instead he thinks he suffers from ADHD and dyslexia. He thinks he’s some kind of outcast, except for his best friend Grover Underwood (Brandon T. Jackson). Anyway, Zeus’ (Sean Bean) main lightning bolt has been stolen, and he suspects that Percy is behind it. He charges the boy with returning the bolt by the summer solstice, fourteen days away. So as it turns out, Grover has been living as Percy’s guardian since they were little, and fills him in about some of his background. Together, they join a camp of demigods called Camp Half-Blood, where they meet the daughter of Athena, Annabeth Chase (played by the uber-cute Alexandra Daddario) and learn how to be leaders and heroes in the real world. Before long, however, Hades kidnaps Percy’s mother in an attempt to force the boy to give him the bolt. Percy, Grover, and Annabeth take flight across the country to find a way to Hades to convince the god that Percy doesn’t have the bolt and retrieve his mother, all while imminent war is looming between Poseidon, Hades, and Zeus because of said missing bolt.
I didn’t understand that part of it. THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END. GET THE BOLT BACK. Right? Anyone? I realize your mother is important, but c’mon. Wrap it together a little better, at least. The three teens don’t even seem to care that the world is about to come to a screeching halt. PJ&TO:TLT ultimately boils down to a road trip-type movie. That’s not bad, I just found it hard to swallow that they seem to ignore the need to find the bolt. The three are surrounded by an excellent ensemble cast, including a great Steve Coogan as Hades, an incredibly creepy, memorable Uma Thurman as Medusa, and a sexed-up version of Persephone by Rosario Dawson. It’s really quite remarkable how the older, veteran actors play up their parts perfectly.
The youngsters are, well, young. But they hold their own well enough, despite having very little to work with. This is the main problem with the film. They aren’t particularly interesting. Percy pretty much flips a switch and becomes the alpha-male leader right away. It’s not believable, and it’s not earned. Annabeth, who is introduced as a badass warrior, regresses into, well, kind of filler. I don’t know what she was doing there except to look pretty and be a love interest for Percy. Grover’s not bad as the sidekick with jokes. He honestly seems to care about his best friend, and that’s as much as I can really say about him.
After reading this review, you might think I disliked PJ&TO:TLT. I really didn’t. I enjoyed it, as I do many children’s and family films. It’s fun, it’s silly, and the modern-day versions of the Greek gods are awesome. I don’t know if I’ll buy it on Blu Ray, but I think I’m leaning toward it. It’s easy-to-digest, but to more “serious” moviegoers, I’d suggest skipping this one. I’ll probably wait till I see the sequel to really decide on purchasing it or not.
My cousin paid for my ticket so I only drove.
4.00 for gas.
Sign me up if we’re doing this again! Until next time, Pork Chop Express is signing off!
No comments:
Post a Comment