Brooklyn's Finest? Not Hardly.

Who DIDN'T think this was well deserved?

This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I'm talkin' to whoever's listenin' out there.

I caught Brooklyn’s Finest last weekend in what turned out to be a huge waste of time. Antoine Fuqua, the director of the highly overrated Denzel-a-thon piece of crap, Training Day, has come back with what is supposed to be the spiritual sequel to the aforementioned film. Now, forgive me all you Denzel lovers and Training Day fanatics, but that movie was boring as hell, and this one isn’t any better.

Fuqua takes a page from the Mexican film Amores Perros and tells multiple stories that (ahem) converge at one violent point. And it’s terrible to watch. Just awful. I’d rather watch my lungs blacken from smoking in fast forward. We have Sal (Ethan Hawke), who is a crooked cop with a heart of gold who only steals from drug dealers because he needs a down payment for a house because his residence now is so mold-infested that his wife’s and their unborn twins’ health is at risk. He’s desperate, he’s overwritten, he’s overacted, and he’s a snooze. Hawke, that black hole of talent that I watched in Daybreakers really needs to stop acting. He’s better when he’s understated, but everything and he does is just so brooding and martyred that I really need to start boycotting the fucker.

Don Cheadle’s turn as undercover cop Tango, a top lieutenant for Casanova (Wesley Snipes), a man who saved Tango’s life while locked up, is slightly more interesting, as should be expected by a Cheadle performance. He found himself torn between earning a desk job and a promotion to protecting Casanova. Who I really liked, to my surprise, was Snipes. I found myself rooting for him. He displayed a wide range of emotions and was more than relatable to the audience. Maybe tax evasion did him good.

Then there’s Eddie Dugan (Richard Gere). Eddie’s awesome. You know him. Everyone and their mother know him. He’s the fuckup that doesn’t care, and is just grinding his way through the day. He’s on the verge of retirement and hasn’t done dick to help his life or help the people. He just doesn’t care. He’s an alcoholic with suicidal ideations and frankly, I didn’t want to see him change. While he may be better built for a minor character, Brooklyn’s Finest has him taking a major role and really shines as the emotional character arc. A whole movie about him would have been more interesting.

So they all converge in some violent point and blah blah blah. Eddie makes his epiphany a little too quickly, Sal doesn’t really change at all, and Tango’s development is obvious. Overall the film drags on and on and I couldn’t wait to get the hell outta there.

Cost Breakdown:

22.00 on tickets for me and my cousin

4.00 on gas

26.00? Fuck no. Get the hell outta here with this forgettable crap. Till next time, Pork Chop Express is signing off.