Bennett has One Question for Robin Hood: Why?

Ah, pining for Kevin Costner. Who'da thunk it?

This is Bennett, taking a break from kidnapping John Matrix's daughter.

Caught Robin Hood a while back with Hombre Lobo for six bucks at a pre-11 a.m. viewing at Tysons Corner. I'm gonna be honest. I hate Russell Crowe. Now, before you scream about how awesome Master and Commander is, or how badass he is in Gladiator, or how you rooted for him in Cinderella Man, I honestly have to say that I don't particularly love any of those movies. I don't . I don't know why, but it may have something to do with my intense, illogical hatred for Russell Crowe.



That said, I was on board for Robin Hood once the movie started. I was. I went in expecting a horribly awkward, poorly-realized film. But I have to keep my faith in Ridley Scott. The man can do virtually no wrong by me.

Alien. Black Hawk Down. Some other movies. Even more movies. They're all awesome. Yes, I even liked Kingdom of Heaven: The Director's Cut. Despite his British heritage, I've always considered him a winner. So I went into Robin Hood expecting to hate it. But I did go in, after all.

And the first two thirds works. I don't know that it works in the Robin Hood mythology, but as a film and as a story, it works. I enjoyed it. There are problems, of course. Some of the script is wooden and the delivery can be overacted, giving a sense that a line is weightier than it is. Against all my prejudices, I was enjoying myself.

Now, I'm going to address some spoilers as they pertain to most of the film and most of my harsher criticisms, so avoid this if you want to go in unspoiled.

So this Russell Crowe Robin Hood is not really Robin of Loxley. He's a pretender who takes up the mantle in order to save the Loxley estate. Talk about a convoluted plot device. But somehow, I swallowed this. His merry men are sufficiently charismatic, Crowe plays angsty as well as he ever does, Cate Blanchett is, as always, charming, but the real star is Max von Sydow. That's right, the old dude from more successful film, Judge Dredd. Von Sydow's absolutely a breath of fresh air as the elder Loxley. He's got charm and presence coming out of his ears.

The villains are also a high point for this film. Mark Strong, who was in Sherlock Holmes as the villain, and Kick-Ass as the villain, returns as the villainous Sir Godfrey, a menacing mercenary willing to sell out his own country to the--gasp--French. Mon Dieu! Where he was menacing in Kick-Ass but with a comedic flair, and dark and evil as Lord Blackwood in Sherlock Holmes, Strong's Godfrey is cold, calculating, and completely muted. Yes, muted. He's almost generic. But I think that's part of the skill in such a role; he can't be over-the-top, simply because that wouldn't work for his character. And he works so well with his Prince-turned-King, John.

Prince John, played by Oscar Isaac, requires his own paragraph. This guy is funny. Like, really funny. He's over the top. He's completely a douche. But he manages to balance this crazy character with enough seriousness and villainy that we buy into it. This is the same guy who stands up in bed, post-coitus, in all his naked glory, in front of his mother as he rants about his would-be kingdom and later leads his men into battle with such an excellent quip: "It's my first [battle.] I'll lead." My god, I will watch virtually anything Isaac is in.

Okay. So where does this sucker fall apart? Because fall apart it does. It comes flying to a halt right at the moment when we realize that there is a political undercurrent. What? Yeah. This film is infused with a heavy dose of English (and therefore irrelevent) political history.

Scott, somewhere along the way, decided that it would be a good idea to make this already-convoluted story into more of a convoluted mess. He has the audacity to give Robin Hood some weird, contrived, implausible back story that connects him--miraculously--to the present story. Apparently his father was the writer of some legal document the lords were trying to impress on the King which would entitle them to more rights and more freedom. Sure. That works well in a feudal system since you're going to end up screwing all the serfs anyway, I guess. Great talk of freedom and liberty.

And that is what kills this movie. Who cares? It's not plausible. It's not poetic. It's not working. It all comes to a head on a beach when Prince John leads an attack on the invading French. Why can't you just wave the German flag and watch them surrender? Work smarter, not harder, people.

So really, skip this film. The only reason I'd watch this (for free, only) would be admire Prince John's character. Absolutely awesome.

12.00 'cause I paid for my buddy.
4.00 for gas

16.00 for this film. I'd pay that again if it was going to a petition toward the death of Russell Crowe's career. Give me the steel pipe any day.